Nine Lives

My son Pax has nine lives apparently but he is burning through them quickly!!  The other night my daughter Jersey comes running into the living room yelling about glass crashing/breaking and how Pax is underneath it and can't get out.  She says I need to come quick so my husband and I go running into the master bedroom and find him on top of a bunch of pillows they had taken off our bed and the large peice of framed artwork that was on top of my night stand is basically on his back broken to bits!!!  He's screaming about being stuck and asking for help so I run over and get the frame off of him and to my amazement he only has this small scratch on his back.  He's not even bleeding from it!!!!  There is glass EVERYWHERE and the shards are big and look like daggers.  I am so surprised that he didn't impale himself with one.  So my husband cleaned up all the glass and I vaccumed up the rest and put the picture back on the nightstand sans glass(probably should have done that from the start).  I would love to say this is the only close call we have had with him but unfortunately I cannot.

About a month ago during the middle of the day, the kids were in our bedroom watching a movie and Jersey had fallen asleep on our bed.  I am in the living room doing something (can't remember what now) and I hear this weird sort of noise from the back.  It was loud enough for me to hear up front so I think I better go see what it is.  I immediately hear Pax screaming afterward so I head to the back.  He's a screamer anyway so I'm thinking it's not going to be much.  As I am walking down the long hall to my bedroom I don't see anything so far.  As I enter the bedroom though and turn the corner I see Jersey sound asleep on the bed(can't believe she was sleeping through this) and then I see it.  Pax is at the foot of our platform bed, sitting on the platform part and he is pinned down by our dresser!  Now this isn't a small dresser.  This is a full on, full size six foot dresser that weighs like ten dead guys!!!!  He has managed to bring the entire thing down on top of himself! When I think back on it now I don't remember exactly how I got to that side of the bed because clearly I had to have jumped across the bed but I have no recollection of it.  I had to lift the dresser off of him and of course all the drawers were open by now and weighing it down in the front.  He slips out form under it unscathed!  Meanwhile I am developing a hernia trying to hold this dresser up.  I manage to close all the drawers and try to get it back straight and cannot, something is underneath it in the back, so I have to come around to the edge and look behind it. Meanwhile he is happily jumping up and down on the bed singing some song I can't make out.  I ask him not so politely to "can it", I'm in the middle of a stressful situation!!! As I tilt it forward to see the obstruction, the drawers fall out again and the hernia is yet again nipping at my heels!  I see that somehow the AT&T Uverse box is wedged  underneath the back of the dresser.  Great!! How am I supposed to get this thing out of there?!  So holding the dresser with my left arm, I reach around behind and pull out the box but by now the dresser just doesn't sit right on the carpet.  It looks like with a slight tug, it will fall forward again.  So I tell Pax to come to the living room and watch TV.  Miraculously Jersey has slept through this entire ordeal!!  When  Pete got home later that night, he wedged some pieces of wood underneatht the front of the dresser so it is now actually tilted back slightly, which makes some of the heavier drawers harder to open and it looks really classy too! It goes well with the numerous extension cords in the house and the crayon/marker drawing on the walls in every room of this poor house.  So if you are wondering, the glass breaking was life number three.  Number one being when he climbed on the kitchen bar, fell off onto the floor and the whole left side of his face immediately began to swell and gave him a black eye.  After a trip to the ER and a $2000 cat scan, all was well and no permanent damage was done!

So what will be the attempt on Life Number Four?  I am scared to find out but I am sure it will happen and at the rate he is going, probably pretty soon.  Lord give me the strength to hold it together.  I am just glad I only have one boy.  I heard someone say there is a special place in heaven for moms with only boys and I can definitely say, it is a completely different experience! Those women should be nominated for sainthood....and then committed for a while probably! ha ha

Well until the next blog....I think Pax peed in the bath salts again last night, so we will talk about that craziness later! ha ha

How Do They Just Know?

How is it that children have this sixth sense for what is dangerous?  So Finley (the one year old) decides she is going to take my fork off my plate that is on my bedside table and crawl around with it.  It takes her all of like two minutes to head over to the fan and begin to try and stick the fork into the fan blades.  I am sitting on the bed watching this unfold, thinking if I take it away from her she is just going to scream at me, so I decide to watch her for a few seconds.  I tell her no and she looks at me and proceeds to stick the fork all the way into the fan, it makes a loud noise and does the obvious.  This being said, allowing her to do it was the way to go because she quickly lost interest and the fun was over.  It's like kids sticking bobbypins into a light socket.  How is it they just know to do the worst possible thing for their wellbeing?

Jersey was walking around yesterday with the hand strap part of the dog's leash around her doll's neck walking/dragging it saying "come on dollypuppy, let's go for a walk."  I'm thinking this poor "dollypuppy" did not sign up for this at all!!  It makes me think of the toys in the movie Toy Story, when the bad kid is "abusing" the toys. None of the poor dolls want to be "those" kid's toys.  Lord please don't let the dolls be saying that about mine! ha ha  If dolls could talk what would they say?! That didn't last long before she decided that Pax should pretend to be a dog and she would lead him around with the lease (luckily the hand opening wasn't big enough to get around his neck, but she did try!).  As she leads him around the house with him holding the leash in his hand, he pretends to bark with a not so convincing "ruff ruff."  All I could do was laugh, until I overheard her tell him to get on his knees because she was going to give him a bowl of water.  That's when I had to speak up and inform her that the leash walking was a far as the doggie game was going to go! It just so funny that he is always onboard with whatever cockamamey idea she comes up with!  Unfortunately they do a lot of wrapping of the wrists and neck and I have to put an end to those games before someone gets choked to death.  Again, I feel these games may be a source of therapy later in life! ha ha

So I was informed by my insurance company the other day that they are approving the Mirena (IUD birth control) that I was hoping to get.  Our insurance coverage with this new company my husband works for has been notoriously bad.  We have had to pay thousands of dollars out of pocket over the last year and a half so you can imagine my surprise when the girl tells me that copay for the almost $900 device is going to be $50.  She said she was even surprised.  I can only surmise that they reviewed my file and my three pregnancies in as many years and said, "This b!+@# needs to quit having babies, she's costing us a fortune!"  Well played United Healthcare, well played!  So I am more than thrilled to be getting a Mirena in the next few weeks.  I am hoping that it will help with these hormonal issues I am dealing with.  I am positive my husband is hoping it will help, he read the whole pamphlet last night. ha ha  Nevermind the fact that if I got pregnant again I think I might lose what little sanity I have left!! And surely my body would just implode or something.

Well I think I have unloaded enough for one blog right now.  Until my mind fills up and I need to get some more out later.....

Path of Least Resistance???

Why is it that there are certain things that I just put off and put off until it is ridiculous?  I think I'm  taking the path of least resistance but am I really?  Sometimes you just unknowingly create more work for yourself.  There are things that I really dislike for no logical reason.  Unloading the dishwasher is one, I would rather have a "buttwhipping" so to speak than unload the dishwasher!  Filling my spray water bottle at the salon (I'm a hairstylist).  It's just a trip to the sink for goodness sake but I will stand there for two or three minutes trying to get the last droplet of water out of the thing so I don't have to fill it.  Vaccuuming, although I don't hate it as much as I used to for some reason.  I would rather sweep the rugs than get out the vaccuum cleaner.  That is just silly I know!!! The last one and the one that prompted the topic today is putting toilet paper in the bathrooms!  I have three bathrooms in my house, right now only one bathroom has toilet paper and I am making special trips from one to the other to get to the one with the paper.  So I have to go and if I go to one without paper (because I apparently cannot remember which bathroom is out either) I just go to a different one! I realize that all the bathroom hopping energy I'm wasting could have been used to just GET MORE PAPER for each bathroom!  Also as I am writing this I still have not gotten the TP. ha ha ha  I am also really anal about so many things in my house being a certain way and being clean and blah blah blah, so why is this so hard for me?!  Please someone tell me that I am not the only one!



On a completely different note, the rice krispie treats turned out great and the agave marshmallows recipe was really easy to make also and very fun!  It was like a science experiment.



We have a doctor's appointment to go to this morning.  I am taking ALL the kids to the OB/GYN with me!  Won't that be fun?! So I am off to get us ALL ready,  the logistics of my daily life is really unfair!  I'm gonna really need my one year old to step up and get her butt ready to go ha ha ha!



Until later....

"Twapped"

I have a few moments while my marshmallows are setting up (turning out great!!).  So the story of Fin getting trapped the other night.  It was right after I had written my blog and I hear a lot of screaming and crying coming from the back of the house.  Pax comes into the living room where I am sitting at the computer and I ask him what is wrong with Jersey, since I can hear her crying, he says "Jersey cwying."  "I know that," I respond.  "What happened?" I ask.  He just repeats the obvious again and goes about his business.  All of a sudden Jersey comes into the living room holding her hands up in the air like she's about to go into surgery and squealing/crying/screaming, "Oh my God Mommy, I have blood everywhere!!!Don't you see it?!" Oh, help me!!!" So on and so forth.  She has been working on her Oscar for a while now.  So, to give her the benefit of the doubt, she does have blood all over her  hands and I can see it welling up from a little cut on her bottom lip.  I get a wet wipe (don't know how I lived without them for so long) and wipe her hands and then her lip.  It is barely even a cut, it looks more like she bit her lip, but she says Pax kicked her with his foot and caused all this.  Since I wasn't there and have no idea if this was an accident (I'm thinking yes) or on purpose (Pax is acting too oblivious) I cannot really bring down any ruling or wrath so I tell her I'm sorry and it is barely anything at all.  "Head wounds and lip cuts bleed a lot even when they are very little" I tell her.  She seems interested for a second and stops crying, then as if pondering the thought and dismissing it, she begins to wail again.  "Well, whatever, I've done what I can honey." (I have three children now, I'm not near as sensitive as I used to be)  I decide to ask her to show me what happened and where to try to get to the bottom of it since she is pressing the issue.



We walk to the master bedroom and as I'm listening to her tell me some cockamamey story in the bathroom about how all this came about, I notice I don't see baby Finley anywhere (which is odd because she is in EVERYBODY'S business ALL the time).  At this point Pax has joined us and I ask both of them "Where's Fin Fin guys?"  Pax answers "She twapped mommy, Fin Fin twapped."  I start to ask what he means as my eyes are scanning the room and I notice this pile of all the blankets and pillows, and some random boxes stacked as well over between the loveseat and the wall.  I hear this muffled, faint sound..."aaaahhhh..mmmmm..ooooohhh"  What the!!??? The baby is UNDERNEATH all of the things so I begin pulling at the pillows and covers feverishly to get her out.  I find her almost at the bottom of the pile and she looks up at me and smiles.  Poor thing!!! I pick her up and realize she is wet with sweat all in her hair.  I ask Jersey, "How long was she trapped under there?"  Jersey's response is something like "twelve, nine, four minutes mommy."  Clearly no help there.  So I decide it  has probably been like 5 to 10 minutes if she's sweating like that.  Meanwhile I am totally up for mom of the year award!  This might hurt my chances.



I bring Fin back into the living room with me and to safety.  When Jersey comes back in I explain to her that I need her to be Fin's superhero and rescue her when she is trapped.  She agrees, which isn't too bad, the cheap psychology is working so far!



It seems everytime I get my blog written, something crazy happens.  Wait, that's all the time, nevermind!  Well the little whip crackers have gotten into the freezer and brought me ice cream to serve them, better hop to it!!!

The Path of Least Resistance??

Why is it that there are certain things

*So I am drawing the kids bath last night and I am bent over the edge of the tub and my daughter is behind me and she tells me, "Mom your butt is really big! Not like Daddy's butt, his is small."  I thank her, because that is what all women want to hear. ha ha She then proceeds to tell me how her butt is small, not like mine! Alright, at this point I've heard enough, I am convinced she thinks my butt is big.  The funny part is, I hardly have a butt at all ha ha!!  I could really use some more booty, it's a little flat and going south, but oh well.

I've been battling lately with Jersey's newfound bad habit, bitch slapping her brother!  I don't know why she  does it.  Sometimes doesn't even appear to be mad, he comes to me crying about her slapping his face and I go and look at her and she's watching TV.  It makes me wonder if she is really always hitting him when he comes to me. I have seen her do it though so I know he's not totally making it up.  I put her in timeout and sometimes threaten to do it to her, to make her understand it is not nice.  I am hoping this is one of those phases that will be over with in the next couple of weeks.   She is usually just frustrated with his behavior but I need her to find a different way to deal with it!

Last night they were playing this game where one of them would pretend to have died and the other one would come and tell me he/she was dead and then all of a sudden the "dead" one would appear and exclaim "I'm alive!!!"  and they would embrace eachother like they hadn't seen the other one in years!  This went on for like 20 minutes.  The sadness then the elation!  How funny they are.  Jersey decided while they were taking a bath (all three of them) that she liked the phrase baby-babers.  So she starts saying baby-babers about everything!  After about ten minutes of constant baby-babers I was ready to strangle the baby-babers!  I know she gets this whole "word" thing from me but when you hear someone else doing it over and over, it's really annoying.  I hope I'm not that annoying when I'm doing it ha ha.  Someone let me know please if it is!

I think Finley is finally trying to cut a tooth or at least a few!  She is really quite unpleasant!  I'm sure if she could actually speak she would tell me I'm no picnic either but she is driving me crazy!  She is usually so happy most of the time and I can definitely tell you happiness is not the driving force in her days right now!

Well I will blog later as she is becoming increasingly abusive to me and the laptop right now!!

It's Been a While

It's been several day (like 3) since I've blogged!  I've been busy planning Fin's first birthday party at sort of the last minute.  I guess when it's the third child you're not as gung ho as you used to be ha ha.  I invited a bunch of people but it was one of those strange occasions where most everybody had something else going on.  So we just had a few people here but it was quite nice because I had totally forgotten to get disposable cups and I'm still washing dishes by hand from the remodel!

I made a delicious cheesecake (gluten free of course).  I am not quite ready to post the recipe yet, it needs some tweaking.

I see Pax pushing the back side of his diaper around with a strange look on his face so I ask if he has "cacas" and he actually tells me the truth!  Usually he says no and then proceeds to stick his hand and or fingers back there, as if he's suprised at what he finds and then comes to me with a poop smear.  He also usually blames the poop/smell on Finley ha ha, it starts early!  While Pete was building the dog's deck the other day he had manged to not only stick his finger in his dirty diaper but smear it all over his right leg, so let me get this right quick!.......And I'm back.  He always has to look at the poop. Actually he wants to see everybody's poop, he squeals "let me see!!!!" over and over until you show him.  He also likes to be closed up inside cabinets or boxes.  He tells you "close it, close it!"  I keep telling my mom I feel this is going to work itself into some sort of fetish or be a definite source of therapy later in life! ha ha ha

So I go to brush my teeth the other night and I had left my coffee cup on the bathroom counter and I see now that it is filled to the rim with some kind of blue stuff.  I quicky realize it is my bath salts I keep in a jar on my counter.  On closer inspection, I see they have added some vitamins they found floating around somewhere and since I smell EVERYTHING, I give the cup of blue stuff a whiff.  I know the bath salts smell good, they have added water of course, but it smells like pee!  UUghghgh So I take it to the kitchen to throw it out and decide to pour it out slowly into the garbage so I can inspect it.  I am apparently a glutton for punishment and grossly curious.  As I pour it out I notice all this white tube looking stuff which I realize is my new body lotion (great, I just got that) and then as I pour out the rest I see it is kind of yellow at the bottom.  Of course I smell it (I have Sensory Processing Disorder so I cannot help it) and YEP, it's definitely pee pee, although I cannot begin to tell you how or why or from where they got it, beyond the obvious source.  I'm glad to see that all the toys I have purchased are being put to good use!  Instead, we have bath salts, vitamins, lotion and pee!  Not a legitimate toy in sight.

I'm sitting here watching Fin and Pax play together, they are so cute (until they start fighting, then not really so much).  By the way, she still has not even the promise of a tooth!  I hope this means that her teeth are going to be really strong.  This is what my dad tells me, but he also thinks he is actually emailing with the chick that plays Abby on NCIS!(that is an entire other blog I could be writing).

My husband's birthday is today.  I guess we are doing what he usually does for me on my birthday, which is really nothing.  He's not a really mushy type person and I'm okay with that, unless my hormones are out of whack, then it's hell to pay! ha ha  Speaking of that, they are actually quite out of whack right now, so my OB/GYN is having my hormones checked.  I'll be forty this year so it is not unheard of to start having perimenopause symptoms.  The nightsweats and alternating crying/anger tell me I might be there! ha ha  Let's see, we are waiting to find out why Fin cannot tolerate milk, but how do I title a blog with gluten free, dye free/aspartame free kids, lactose free baby, premenopausal mom with ocd/nervous tics & sensory issues, three cats, two dogs and the best neighbors in the world!  I don't want to sound like I'm all negative! ha ha Actually I am not negative about any of it.  I find all of it is an opportunity to learn everyday what my limits are (I'm working on not reaching them so quickly!)  I pity my husband though!  Sometimes when the chaos is in full swing and my hormones are crazy and I'm ranting about all of it, he just stays quiet and goes about his business.  He should probably be blogging more than me. haha

Well until later, I feel one more cup of coffee beckoning.